Helping Kids Who Learn and Think Differently Succeed at Formal Events

Formal events can be joyful occasions, but for kids who learn and think differently, they can also bring a host of challenges. With unfamiliar routines, new places, and sensory demands, it's no surprise that these environments might cause meltdowns or anxiety. The good news is that with a little preparation and insight, you can help your child navigate these occasions more easily and enjoyably.

Here are seven common triggers at formal events and strategies to help your child feel more comfortable.

1. Restrictive clothing

Due to sensory sensitivity, some children find dressy garments such as button-down shirts, tights, or fancy shoes unpleasant or overpowering. The pain might swiftly turn into distress.

Prioritize your child's comfort over their appearance. Choose soft, breathable textiles such as cotton and remove any bothersome tags or seams. Make sure clothing fits well but isn’t too tight. If possible, let your child change into more comfortable clothes after key moments like ceremonies or group photos. If relatives express concerns, assure them that a calm child will brighten everyone's day.

2. Long periods of sitting still.

Ceremonies, formal dinners, and worship sessions frequently include long periods of silent sitting, which can be especially difficult for children who need to move or squirm to remain calm.

Bring small, quiet fidget toys such as stress balls or Silly Putty to keep their hands occupied. Sit near an exit so your child can take a break if needed. If the event is long, consider allowing your child to join midway or step out for short intervals. Communicate with event organizers or church leaders about your child's requirements ahead of time; they may be more understanding than you realize.

3. Physical contact

Handshakes, embraces, and even dancing might be overwhelming for children who want their own space. Physical touch may be especially uncomfortable for children with heightened sensory sensitivities.

What to do: Prepare your child in advance by role-playing common interactions they might encounter. For kids who can’t handle physical contact, teach alternative greetings like smiling, waving, or making eye contact. If family members seem unsure how to approach, gently explain your child’s preferences to avoid awkward moments.


4. Unfamiliar rituals and expectations.

Kids may feel anxious or restless if they don’t understand the purpose or sequence of an event, like a religious service or formal gathering.

What to do: Before the event, walk your child through what to expect—the schedule, people who will be there, behavior expectations, and any rituals or customs. Review this strategy in the morning and on the way to the event. During breaks, inform them of what's coming up, so they're reassured and prepared.

5. Sensory overload

Noisy settings, bright lights, and large crowds can be distressing for children with sensory issues. Even children without sensory sensitivities may struggle to concentrate in a hectic setting.

What to do: Pack headphones or earplugs to reduce noise and provide comfort items like a favorite book or coloring activity. Establish a quiet “retreat space” where your child can take breaks when feeling overstimulated. Consider how long you'll be at the event—it's better to leave early than to stay and risk a meltdown.

6. Struggling with Small Talk

Talking to relatives or family friends, especially those they don't see often, might be scary for children who are unsure what to say or how to respond.

What to do: Practice conversation starters and basic social skills with your child beforehand. Role-play scenarios in which they must identify themselves or answer basic queries such as "How's school?" Reassure them that taking breaks is acceptable and tell them that they can contact you if they feel overwhelmed during chats.

7. Unknown foods

Many formal events centre around food, which can be difficult for finicky eaters or children who have sensory issues or allergies.

What to do: Pack safe, familiar snacks that your child enjoys. While it is fantastic to encourage kids to try new things, don't put them under pressure—formal events are not the time to enforce new eating habits. Focus on making mealtime a positive experience, even if that means your child eats their favorite packed snack while others enjoy the banquet.

Final thoughts

Formal events don’t have to be a source of stress for your family. By anticipating your child’s needs and preparing in advance, you can create an environment that allows them to enjoy the occasion in their own way. Remember, a happy and comfortable child will make the day more meaningful for everyone involved.

With a little planning and a lot of understanding, you can help your child feel involved and at peace at any event or occasion!